Apple censors Blanche

You’ve been counting the minutes till Truly Tasteless Jokes was available on your mobile device. We just know it. So have we. But if Apple has their way, it’s never going to happen – not that they would say that outright. Check the story out here, and pass it along to anyone else who doesn’t want Apple passing judgement on what we get to laugh at.

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Blanche unmasked

Any Blanche fans out there who don’t subscribe to Harper’s magazine? For few of you, a site called Longform that archives non-fiction just made ”Being Blanche” available online.  This tell-all memoir by the woman behind the pen name appeared in Harper’s last June.  It’s hilarious, and now it’s free.

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doing my part to spread Santorum

It’s hard to imagine that any fan of Blanche’s — well, any sexually active fan of Blanche’s, which I sincerely hope is most of you — wouldn’t know about santorum. Not the Republican candidate. The definition agreed upon by devoted readers of Dan Savage’s wonderful sex-advice column Savage Love after the politician likened gay sex to bestiality. The definition is so excellently repulsive that I’m going to type it out just for the fun of it: “The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex.”

For a long time that’s what came up first when you googled “santorum.” The Republican recently pushed back in a fundraising campaign: “Savage and his perverted sense of humor is the reason why my children cannot Google their father’s name: I took the high road for nearly a decade by not dignifying these mindless attacks and even defending his 1st Amendment right to spew his filth.” He asked donors: “Fight back — Don’t let San Savage and the extreme left win.”

Google caved, and the Savage site, has indeed dropped in the rankings. But as Savage noted, “Careful what you wish for, Rick.” The new No. 1 return on Google, just below campaign stuff and primary/caucus results, is an UrbanDictionary definition for “santorum” that is way more disgusting than Savage’s crowd-sourced one. So disgusting I’m not going to reproduce it here for the fun of it. Instead, I’m writing Dan to find out how porn stars deal with santorum.

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It’s so fun to get the last licks

This Letter to the Editor appears in the July 2011 issue of Harper’s magazine.  My response follows:

In confessing her authorship of the Truly Tasteless Jokes series of the 80s and 90s [“Being Blanche,” Miscellany, June], Ashton Applewhite disingenuously claims that her books “made fun of everyone.” On the contrary, what made her books masterly was the way they distilled misogyny and racism and made these vicious sentiments widely available to the middle-class public, whereas before they had at least been kept in the closet. While her handful of jokes about WASPs were toothless, filled with the gentle self-mockery of those comfortable in the driver’s seat of social power, the vast majority of her wisecracks picked on the same social groups Ronald Reagan was targeting through neoliberal economics and the rollback of civil rights. These jokes were not, as Ashton Applewhite absurdly suggests (quoting her friend Luc Sante) a “sigh of relief,” but were part and parcel of the Right’s general attack on feminism and civil liberties, an attack that continues to this day.
John Sanbonmatsu
Worcester, Mass.

Ashton Applewhite responds:

Far be it from Blanche to claim the moral high ground, but I can’t imagine what closet Mr. Sanbonmatsu is referring to (and since when are closets a good thing?).  These jokes were the source of water-cooler and playground merriment long before I collected them. Why assume that the middle-class was somehow in the dark until then (and why the middle class)?  Perhaps Mr. Sanbonmatsu feels that I lack respect for his heritage? (The Japanese are so advanced . . . the beach comes to them.) As for WASP jokes (What do WASPs do instead of having sex? Rule the country.), I’d love some vicious ones. Send them to

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Truly Tasteless Jokes Desecrates Radio–FCC’s Underpants in Knotts

Constipated Reactionaries and American Taliban suffered through tightly wound sphincters and knotted bladders while they endured a fifteen minute radio segment featuring Truly Tasteless Jokes author Ashton Applewhite (aka “Blanche Knott”) Saturday evening, 6/18/2011. The ever-courageous News Talk Radio 77 WABC New York’s John Batchelor Show (hosted by Paul Vigna) spoke candidly with Applewhite about the origins of the infamous Truly Tasteless Jokes series, noting that Applewhite/Knott was the only author ever in the history of the world to have enjoyed the carnal pleasure of having four (4) books on the New York Times Best Seller List simultaneously.

In this cunningly provocative interview, host Paul Vigna (Editor Note: “Vigna” — not “vagina”) explores the effect the Truly Tasteless Jokes series had on the (mostly teenage male) youth of the 1980s and the potentially consequential uprising of tasteless politically correct fascism on college campuses the following decade.

Listen to this candid interview and understand the healing power of humor, the true history of crowd sourcing and the reason why an apology for TTJ is not necessary.

Listen here:


For the full interview as well as a link to many excellent John Batchelor Show pocasts click here.

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go ahead, tweet your junk!

What’s the most distressing thing about Wienergate? The fact that no one actually got laid!  Plus all the predictable hand-wringing about lies and deception.  Lying isn’t just inherent to sneaking around on your spouse, it’s inherent to politics.  Why is it still news when a politician turns out to be a sleazeball you can’t trust? Also much tiresome chatter about why politicians always think they can get away with this stuff and what constitutes infidelity.  Infidelity is whatever the two of you agree it is. As Andrew Sullivan observed, “If online flirting is unforgivable, why isn’t off-line flirting unforgivable?” In my book, both are totally OK.  What’s life without flirting?  In any case, non of this has any bearing on whether Wiener is qualified to be a Congressman, which his constituents believe him to be.

Tweeting a photo of your dick straining to break free of your underwear is OK too, as long as the recipient is happy to be the recipient.  Which really shouldn’t be a gray area, even for ego-and-testosterone-blinded elected officials.  As long as no children or puppies were harmed, I’m down with it.  Come to think of it, I’m OK with puppies. OK, kids too, as long as they’re dead.

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Best-selling Truly Tasteless Jokes Series Reborn via Rapture

Now on ebooks and the web!
Guaranteed to offend virtually everyone!

NEW YORK, JUNE 1, 2011. Queen of the original tasteless joke phenomenon, Truly Tasteless Jokes author Blanche Knott is back with a vengeance and leaving no sacred cow untipped – and this time she’s wired, with e-books, web outlets, and a mobile app in the works.

Being Blanche Knott: Coming clean about Truly Tasteless JokesJust to annoy the liberals, Knott trumpets her comeback in the June 2011 issue of Harper’s Magazine in a tell-all memoir: “Being Blanche: Coming clean about Truly Tasteless Jokes” by Ashton Applewhite (real name, seriously). Finally, the story of Blanche’s rise from a sick-joke-loving editorial assistant to a clue on Jeopardy! And now she’s got the whole internet at her twisted disposal.

“So much more to make fun of,” crows Knott. “Sunnis and Shiites, tsunamis and tornadoes, gun-toting college kids and sex-starved hotel maids!” For those of you battling Alzheimer’s or too young to remember, the Truly Tasteless Jokes books sold over five million copies in the 1980s, which annoyed the shit out of the publishing establishment. One editor told her, “We can’t publish this here. I’m not even sure we can Xerox it.” Blanche had the last laugh as the first person to have four books on the New York Times bestseller list at the same time.

The first three are now available as Amazon Kindle and Barnes & Noble Nook eBooks. Other formats and mobile apps are coming soon. How many dead babies does it take to make a Truly Tasteless iPhone app? “You’ll have to ask our Chinese suppliers,” says SocializeIT developer Alejandro Heyworth. “Now parents and teachers won’t be able to confiscate the grimy paperback,” Knott comments. “They’ll have to download it just like my prepubescent fans.”

This time around, Knott’s using social media to collect material for the first new Truly Tasteless Jokes volume in nearly twenty years. As ever, she welcomes everyone to the party, so submit your favorite joke, no matter how appalling. “I invented crowd-sourcing,” says Knott.  “I can’t wait to see what the world comes up with now that the Post Office is out of the loop.” For a sneak preview, catch Blanche’s tasteless joke of the day on Facebook ( or follow her on Twitter (@blancheknott –

Products, blog, merchandise, and press:

Media and Press Contact:
Eric Swenson
Media and Public Relations Consultant
Ashtonia LLC
Phone: +1 (646) 397 5027

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Ix-nay apture-ray

I tried to feel a teeny weeny bit sorry for the true believers who woke up on May 22nd  and had to call the cable guy to come hook them up again. Also look for new jobs and search for their old furniture on Craig’s List.  Also good luck getting the kids to believe them about anything important ever again.  Ever.  Talk about embarrassing! But I didn’t succeed.  I even got a little pleasure at the irony of these folks having brought this craptastic judgment down upon themselves. Because they’re a bunch of zealous bigots who relished the prospect of floating up to heaven while the world’s atheists and perverts and Commies roasted in agony.  Hold the hellfire – I’ll make merciless fun of them instead.  And of Christian fundamentalists too, because I know when I hear I’m a worthless sack of shit.  The cue? Someone says, “I’ll pray for you.” That means “fuck you” in Christian.

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one more for Bin Laden

even though he didn’t like Jews. . .
he was shot in the temple.

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A drunk walks out of a bar…

and spots a nun standing at a bus stop. He walks up to her and punches her in the face. When she falls to the ground, he screans, “Not so tough after all, are ya, Batman?”

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